B R O K E N

I used to get up at 4 or 5 in the morning and it was already 100 degrees outside! I’m in charge of 20 men stationed in Iraq. Outside forces sometimes penetrate the deepest trenches of the men’s souls. It was my job to make sure they stay focused.

I remember this one man -about 23 years old, fearless soldier. He was engaged and every night he would run back to try to contact his fiancee. When one day she broke the news to him – by letter. She broke off the engagement.

A grenade would have caused less damage. He couldn’t even sleep from the devastation. He became even more fearless than before. To the point that he was suicidal. I tried the best I could to keep him focused and to clear his mind. It took weeks before I was able to convince him to let it go. To convince him that: That was then and This is now.

It was about a week after that when he was finally out of that very dark emotional place. It’s strange because I remember he was happy again. He was smiling again. When one day I hear the briefing. “Platoon is under fire. Explosion took out Vehicle #3. We have 2 possible KIA’s at this time. We’re providing immediate medical assistance until Medevac arrives.” When I got there. It was awful. He was unrecognizable.

Sometimes for some of these men, I literally had to give them my shoulder to cry on because of the letters or emails they would get about life back home. One day someone from my platoon was on the internet. He just so happened to be from the same town as me. I peeked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at. I couldn’t believe my eyes. On a hometown website was a huge picture of, no other than, my wife. Here I am dodging bullets and she’s over there shaking her booty. Here I am risking my very life and she’s making a new one with someone else.

They say I’m lucky because I came back from Iraq in one piece. No broken bones, everything in tact. But what people don’t see is inside, my broken bleeding heart.