| Shalom, m'ija! by Jennese Torres |
Scene 2
We tried to regroup. No one cute.
What about not so cute but nice
body? OK not cute, no nice body,
but can dance his @ss off! OK, OK
what about willing to buy us a drink?
My girl is always right on point, “It’s
free to get in here- ain’t none of these
cheap guys gonna buy us a damn
thing!”
OK, fine! Let’s have fun regardless!
Right when I said that I see Blanquito
talking to a group of white girls.
“Check that out!” I say. “He just
wanted u for your blond hair!”
“Wouldn’t it be fun if I tell him just
that?” He looks over and I smile like
– ‘Yeah! It figures!’ He breaks from
the girls faster than u can say: Ice,
Ice Baby. “I know u just wanted me
for my blond hair!” He smirks and
leans over, “Those girls are my
primas.”
I lean over to my friend and say in a
loud voice, “He said – those girls
over there are his primas. He used
the word ‘primas’ for real! He rolled
his R and everything! Prrrrrimas!” I
told him, “Next ur going to tell me
you're really Boricua!” He laughs. I
said, “U don’t gotta tell me. I know ur
last name is Rosenberg.” “No!”
“BTW Eve this is Joe. Or maybe it
was John or Justin. Just call him
Jay.” He’s offended. “It’s Joe.”
“Yeah I know Joe Rubinowitz.”
“Hey I’m not Jewish!” “U must be -
living in Forest Hills.”
Eve says, “Next he’s going to say
he’s Italian!” “I am!” I say,
“Seriously, shalom! OK? Sha –
lom!” He looked surprised. Eve
says, “He’s shocked u know his
language!” He says, “Some say I
look Jewish and I don’t say anything
b/c it’s good for business.” “Yeah
whatever- shalom – OK? Peace.”
In case he didn’t know what shalom
meant. With a voice of authority he
says, “It’s shalom not salom.”
“That's what I said. I know u ain’t
correcting me! B’vakasha!”
“What???” “U thought that was all I
knew?” “U are from Kew Gardens!
U must of grew up there!” “Damn
right!” “U gotta know Rebecca
Berger.” “No.” “Debbie
Schwartz.” “No.” “But u HAVE to.
Everybody knows them.” “Nobody
talks to me there. U know how ur
people are!"
We tried to regroup. No one cute.
What about not so cute but nice
body? OK not cute, no nice body,
but can dance his @ss off! OK, OK
what about willing to buy us a drink?
My girl is always right on point, “It’s
free to get in here- ain’t none of these
cheap guys gonna buy us a damn
thing!”
OK, fine! Let’s have fun regardless!
Right when I said that I see Blanquito
talking to a group of white girls.
“Check that out!” I say. “He just
wanted u for your blond hair!”
“Wouldn’t it be fun if I tell him just
that?” He looks over and I smile like
– ‘Yeah! It figures!’ He breaks from
the girls faster than u can say: Ice,
Ice Baby. “I know u just wanted me
for my blond hair!” He smirks and
leans over, “Those girls are my
primas.”
I lean over to my friend and say in a
loud voice, “He said – those girls
over there are his primas. He used
the word ‘primas’ for real! He rolled
his R and everything! Prrrrrimas!” I
told him, “Next ur going to tell me
you're really Boricua!” He laughs. I
said, “U don’t gotta tell me. I know ur
last name is Rosenberg.” “No!”
“BTW Eve this is Joe. Or maybe it
was John or Justin. Just call him
Jay.” He’s offended. “It’s Joe.”
“Yeah I know Joe Rubinowitz.”
“Hey I’m not Jewish!” “U must be -
living in Forest Hills.”
Eve says, “Next he’s going to say
he’s Italian!” “I am!” I say,
“Seriously, shalom! OK? Sha –
lom!” He looked surprised. Eve
says, “He’s shocked u know his
language!” He says, “Some say I
look Jewish and I don’t say anything
b/c it’s good for business.” “Yeah
whatever- shalom – OK? Peace.”
In case he didn’t know what shalom
meant. With a voice of authority he
says, “It’s shalom not salom.”
“That's what I said. I know u ain’t
correcting me! B’vakasha!”
“What???” “U thought that was all I
knew?” “U are from Kew Gardens!
U must of grew up there!” “Damn
right!” “U gotta know Rebecca
Berger.” “No.” “Debbie
Schwartz.” “No.” “But u HAVE to.
Everybody knows them.” “Nobody
talks to me there. U know how ur
people are!"
| “I told u! I’m Italian!” “If u were, ur name would be Vinny!” “Look....” He shows his ID. ‘Joseph V. Romano’. “Ur related to Ray?” “I am!” “Yeah and J-Lo’s my cousin. And NO! I’m not turning around so u can see the family resemblance!” He laughs. “See the ‘v’ that’s for---” “I told u ur name was Vinny! Ur whole family probably calls u Vinny!” “Let me ask u something.” I said. “Do matzo balls go with spaghetti???” Blanquito was now upset and was going to walk away. “Let me explain.” I say, “We just saw this play – just yesterday - and it was called “Do platanos go with collard greens?” “Oh I get it! It’s about the Spanish people and the Darkies.” I smile gently – like we’re friends. “Is that what u all are calling them now?” He was speechless for a second. Eve says, “It wasn’t about ‘Spanish’ people. It was about a Dominican girl and her boyfriend was this African American college student.” “So ummm…” Trying desperately to change the subject he says, “Can I get ur #?” “No but u can have my myspace.” “Por favor.” again rolling his R’s best he can. “No.” “Un momento.” We wonder- he knows Spanish or is he speaking Italian? He walks back from the bar. “Tienes boligrafo?” “Boligrafo? Hey! Only Puerto Ricans use that word!” “No I learned Castilian Spanish in high school.” “Yeah but Puerto Ricans use that word all the time.” “Cast-i- li-an! From Spain.” “Don’t correct me man! How u going to tell me about my own people!?!” “So do u have a pen?” “No! No tengo. How would u say that in Hebrew???” “Listen,” I pulled him closer. “I want u to remember me.” “Yeah I will --- for about 3 weeks!” Eve said, “Who gave him license to start saying jokes?” “Seriously listen up. I want u to remember me. I want u to treat my people with respect. With compassion. Understanding. The next time u see one of MY people – – just peace, man – peace and love and above all respect for my people - la raza. Can u do that for me?” “Yeah – ur right. I do. And I will. La RRRRRRRRRRRRaza.” |
Scene 3
We start walking away. “¡Mira
eso! Ese Blanquito sí puede
hablar español bastante bien!”
Eve said, “What? I don’t speak
spanish – I only look like I do!”
As we walk out the club we see
a fine Latino man stepping out of
his car. “¡Oye! ¡¿Ya se van?!”
“¡Ya nos fuimos! Estamos
cansadas. Venimos ahora
mismo de Italia.” The rest of his
boys now spot us and start with
the “¡Que Dios te bendiga,
nena!”
Eve said, “Does that mean we
don’t have to go to church
tomorrow?” “What?” “We were
just blessed, no? We should go
out every Saturday night and
walk past los dominicanos en
frente de la bodega. ‘Mira
mami…Que Dios te bendiga
mami….”
LMAO!!! My girl cracks me
up! Eve went on, “U can’t get up
on time for church anyway, b/c I
know the closest thing next to u
is the synagogue.” I laugh and
say to her, “Shalom, m’ija,
shalom!”
Fade to black... or green or
red or yellow... Whatever!
Can we fade to Latino???
We start walking away. “¡Mira
eso! Ese Blanquito sí puede
hablar español bastante bien!”
Eve said, “What? I don’t speak
spanish – I only look like I do!”
As we walk out the club we see
a fine Latino man stepping out of
his car. “¡Oye! ¡¿Ya se van?!”
“¡Ya nos fuimos! Estamos
cansadas. Venimos ahora
mismo de Italia.” The rest of his
boys now spot us and start with
the “¡Que Dios te bendiga,
nena!”
Eve said, “Does that mean we
don’t have to go to church
tomorrow?” “What?” “We were
just blessed, no? We should go
out every Saturday night and
walk past los dominicanos en
frente de la bodega. ‘Mira
mami…Que Dios te bendiga
mami….”
LMAO!!! My girl cracks me
up! Eve went on, “U can’t get up
on time for church anyway, b/c I
know the closest thing next to u
is the synagogue.” I laugh and
say to her, “Shalom, m’ija,
shalom!”
Fade to black... or green or
red or yellow... Whatever!
Can we fade to Latino???
Scene 1
I was trying to dance to Sean Paul’s
“Give it up to me” but this Blanquito
was throwing me off beat! “Where r
u from?” If he was Latino or Black, I
would say ‘Puerto Rican’, but I think
Blanquito meant ‘where I live’.
“Queens.” “Me too! What part?”
“Kew Gardens.”
He stops dead in his off-beat-trying-
to-be-down-rhythm. I wanted to put
my hands all up in his face but I
refrained and said, “WHAT!?! I can’t
be from Kew Gardens?” He smiled,
“I’m from Forest Hills!” (both white
neighborhoods bordering each other)
I figured, we had something in
common. “Did u see the filming of
Spiderman last week? It was on my
street!” He seemed to loosen up a
little and with his hands all up in the
air said, “Duuuuuddde!”
Oh man! Anything but ‘dude’!
Maybe I can’t do this, huh? I gave
him a look that is universal for “Say
what!?!”
He explained, “U seen Spiderman
II? That was MY house! They had
the whole block up for days filming
that!” We laughed and get into a
groove- not a dancing groove b/c
he's genetically disadvantaged!
Then my girlfriend gave me the
‘code’. All girlfriends have preset
codes before going into a club! This
one meant it was time to goooo!
When I break away she explains, “I
had to get away from his friend b/c
he kept trying to take pictures of me!”
“And?” “He had no camera!” She
starts freeze-framing with her hands.
As she is freeze-framing with her
invisible camera this guy steps to
me, “My boy over there says he
knows you from elementary
school!” I said, “Big Pun said it
best: u don’t know meeeee
maaaaannn!” I nodded and gave
my girl the code- which she didn’t
see b/c she was salsa dancing with
probably the cutest guy in the place.
I was trying to dance to Sean Paul’s
“Give it up to me” but this Blanquito
was throwing me off beat! “Where r
u from?” If he was Latino or Black, I
would say ‘Puerto Rican’, but I think
Blanquito meant ‘where I live’.
“Queens.” “Me too! What part?”
“Kew Gardens.”
He stops dead in his off-beat-trying-
to-be-down-rhythm. I wanted to put
my hands all up in his face but I
refrained and said, “WHAT!?! I can’t
be from Kew Gardens?” He smiled,
“I’m from Forest Hills!” (both white
neighborhoods bordering each other)
I figured, we had something in
common. “Did u see the filming of
Spiderman last week? It was on my
street!” He seemed to loosen up a
little and with his hands all up in the
air said, “Duuuuuddde!”
Oh man! Anything but ‘dude’!
Maybe I can’t do this, huh? I gave
him a look that is universal for “Say
what!?!”
He explained, “U seen Spiderman
II? That was MY house! They had
the whole block up for days filming
that!” We laughed and get into a
groove- not a dancing groove b/c
he's genetically disadvantaged!
Then my girlfriend gave me the
‘code’. All girlfriends have preset
codes before going into a club! This
one meant it was time to goooo!
When I break away she explains, “I
had to get away from his friend b/c
he kept trying to take pictures of me!”
“And?” “He had no camera!” She
starts freeze-framing with her hands.
As she is freeze-framing with her
invisible camera this guy steps to
me, “My boy over there says he
knows you from elementary
school!” I said, “Big Pun said it
best: u don’t know meeeee
maaaaannn!” I nodded and gave
my girl the code- which she didn’t
see b/c she was salsa dancing with
probably the cutest guy in the place.
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Scene: NYC Mexican restaurant
with loud music that turns into
Latin club after dinner hours
Story: 2 Latinas meet White Boy
Ethnic differences resonate
louder than the music.
with loud music that turns into
Latin club after dinner hours
Story: 2 Latinas meet White Boy
Ethnic differences resonate
louder than the music.
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